1. Pretend Party Animal
Get dressed up and say you're going out. Or better yet, don't say anything at all! Then go to the drug store to kill some time because you don't have the energy to go out after that massive fit you just threw. It doesn't matter. You took a selfie in the bathroom. That could be ANY bathroom.
2. Key Strokes of FURY
Type loudly. No matter what device you're using, typing with intensity is a great way to get them wondering what you're writing. Hold out as long as it takes until you're asked about it. Then choose from this set of replies:
Nothing.
Don't worry about it.
It doesn't matter.
It's just…whatever..a thing.
Nothing.
Don't worry about it.
It doesn't matter.
It's just…whatever..a thing.
3. Throw a Sub-Status Fit
Sub status your heart out. Anything will do. Lyrics, Youtube videos, clever comments about how you LOVE things you don't love. It's called sarcasm, ever heard of it? If that's not your style, try a sub-look-how-good-my-life-is post. What? You're happy? You never let haters get you down? What??
4. Passive Text-gressive
Avoid eye contact, say that you're fine, then write out a very proper, very eloquent 6 text message long explanation about exactly how right you are.
5. Clean Up
Nothing is more terrifying than a person cleaning while they're angry. What's going on? Why are they slamming the cabinet doors? Are they washing the dishes or breaking them? Be sure to throw out some personal belongings while you're at it (baby pictures, poetry notebooks) Now THAT is a great adult tantrum!
6. Take Inventory
Always allow your friends and family to borrow whatever they want from you. This will serve as future tantrum collateral. Of course you don't want to talk about anything rationally! But that doesn't mean they get to keep your external hard drive— not at a time like this.
7 Beer Hoarders
If you happen to be living with someone that you demand attention from, keep a case of beer in your fridge at all times. When it's tantrum o'clock, carry several beers with you as you retreat to your room. This will ensure that your victim knows that you're about to get drunk without them, BECAUSE of them.
8. Double Doors
Slam your door, then walk out as if you forgot something so you can slam it again. Two for the price of one! That's a total slam dunk tantrum right there. #soproud
9. Pretend Move Out
Noticeably and furiously search for a new place on Craigslist in plain view of whoever you think you're going to upset with that earth shattering news.
10. Long Distance Cry
Leave the room with your composure in tact. Once you have made a very uncomfortable exit, proceed with loud and dramatic crying. This gives the impression that the crying is more genuine because you really, really tried to hold it in.
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